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Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.
— Evelyn Hendrickson
The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.
— P. Herbert
There is so little difference between husbands you might as well keep the first.
— Adela Rogers St. Johns
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
— Rita Rudner
I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.
— Marie Corelli
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
— Rita Rudner
A dress that zips up the back will bring a husband and wife together.
— James H. Boren
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